The responses I have received from some readers of the previous blog are not surprising. Some readers are critical, some supportive and some puzzled by my take on the Rihanna-Chris Brown assault case.

The primary concern seems to be that I am minimizing the experiences of victims/survivors of domestic violence. I realize now that I have not been clear about my concerns in addressing the complexity of dating violence between young adults.

So let me be clear. There is no excuse for Chris Brown or any other man to hit a woman, let alone beat a woman the way Chris beat Rihanna. His actions are shameful to his family, community, and most of his colleagues. Chris Brown does not deserve any special leniency or attention because of his age or celebrity. He should pay every dime and every day for every crime he is justly found guilty of.

 Having said that, I want to suggest that dealing with teen and young adult dating violence must be different from dealing with adult domestic violence. The prevalence of interpersonal violence among adolescents generally varies from 9% to 35%, depending upon the population surveyed and how interpersonal violence is defined. Adolescent girls are more likely than adult women to be victims of interpersonal violence and to suffer both minor and severe injuries as a result. [Views from the National Council on Crime and Delinquency September, 2008] We need to be careful, critical, and compassionate to avoid labels for either partner while holding the assailant accountable.

How do we hold in tension the need to clearly see the violence and not minimize its reality and provide space, means, and compassion to turn these young people around? How do we expand our justice-making elements to include the needs of our children? This is our challenge as parents, teachers, judges, and faith leaders. If any of us were Chris’ and Rihanna’s parents, we would still consider them kids. There are too many kids in jails, prisons, on the streets, and in the grave today because they were misjudged, misunderstood and labeled for life when what they really needed was a leader.

Our goals in working with young people should be to stop the cycle before it starts, transform belief systems, and transcend the effects of childhood exposure to violence.

It was Jesus who said, “Don’t send the children away, bring them to me.” This is our burden as we try to confront child exposure to domestic violence and teen dating violence in our congregations and communities.

Rev. Dr. Aleese Moore-Orbih

Director of Training and Consulting, FaithTrust Institute

www.faithtrustinstitute.org