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Happy Father's Day Revisited

Jun 04, 2013 — Categories: ,

This year as we approach Father’s Day, I remember my father. He passed away on May 12 after a short illness. He was 97 years old. He was a small business owner and church lay leader. He loved his garden and had been nurturing geranium starts in his greenhouse to be ready for the summer flower season. Family and friends were his priorities with college basketball a close second. I remember that he was a decent and generous man who generally spoke his mind but usually with the grace and charm of a Southern gentleman. Fortunately his mind grew more open with age. Although his strong will and mine did clash from time to time, we always circled back to what was most important. I am grateful that he was always present in my life.

This year as we approach Father’s Day, I remember my father. He passed away on May 12 after a short illness. He was 97 years old. He was a small business owner and church lay leader. He loved his garden and had been nurturing geranium starts in his greenhouse to be ready for the summer flower season. Family and friends were his priorities with college basketball a close second. I remember that he was a decent and generous man who generally spoke his mind but usually with the grace and charm of a Southern gentleman. Fortunately his mind grew more open with age. Although his strong will and mine did clash from time to time, we always circled back to what was most important. I am grateful that he was always present in my life.

Last year I wrote this blog about my father. So again I reflect on these words and consider how the relationship that my father and mother displayed laid the foundation for my life work.

When I was about nine years old, I remember a dinner table conversation between my father and mother. I think we had just received news that my favorite uncle, the doctor, had beaten up my aunt. My mother looked my father in the eye and said, “You know if you ever lay a hand on me, it will be the last time.”  I looked at my older brother as if to say, “What’s up with this?” He looked puzzled.  My dad looked her back in the eye and with a smile said, “Yes, dear. I know.”

As I have thought of this incident over the years of my work, I have realized that my mother was not conveying any new information to my father. My father would never have dreamed of laying a hand on my mother. But our mother was conveying information to my brother and me. She just wanted to make sure that we both understood that force, coercion and control had no place in the family --- especially between intimate partners.

Message received.

I am one of the lucky ones who grew up in a home without violence and abuse, a home where I observed and experienced respect. No, it wasn’t perfect by any means. We had all the stresses and strains of any middle class family in the ‘50’s and ‘60’s, trying to make ends meet and cope with the cultural chaos of the time. But I know I was fortunate.

On this Fathers’ Day, I am grateful that I have a father who was there for us, who always supported me, expected the best and to this day remains open to new ideas and possibilities. But most of all, I am thankful that he loved and respected my mother and never raised his hand against her.

My father died at 97, still working out twice a week, still going to work once a week, still reading the NY Times online every day and keeping me up to date on politics and other important matters. So Happy Father’s Day, Dad. And thanks. Again.


Rev. Dr. Marie M. Fortune
FaithTrust Institute
www.faithtrustinstitute.org

Marie and Dad cropped


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Father's Day

Posted by Catherine Thiemann at Jun 05, 2013 02:29 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss, Marie. What a wonderful legacy he left to you, and now to all of us as well. Thank you for sharing him with us.

Thank you

Posted by Marvin Eckfeldt at Jun 05, 2013 02:29 PM
Thank you for the beautiful reminder of your Dad, Marie.

You and your dad

Posted by Emily Fischer at Jun 05, 2013 02:29 PM
Marie,
Thank you so much for sharing your story of having, what I call, a good-enough dad. That's just what I've longed for. Good-enough is just fine; they don't have to be more or exactly what we wish they were. I'm glad your dad had you. He was a lucky man, as you were a lucky girl/woman. It helps to hear of these wonderful men.

cooment

Posted by Adela at Jun 05, 2013 02:30 PM
How beautiful to have a father that does not abuse women. May he be in heaven and have peace and eternal life.

Your dad & you

Posted by Gus Kaufman at Jun 05, 2013 02:30 PM
Behind every great woman...
Well, not really, but we all need love & nurture
And role models
I'm so glad you & your dad could love each other so long!
Gus

Father's Day Blog

Posted by Diedra Scanlan at Jun 05, 2013 02:30 PM
Thank you for sharing that, Marie! So glad you had your dad for so long and am sorry for the loss you must feel with his passing.

Father's Day

Posted by Al Miles at Jun 05, 2013 02:30 PM
Dr. Fortune,

Thank you for the beautiful blog you wrote about your father and mother. My parents died way too soon, 54 and 60, respectively. Their love and respect for one another is a major factor in the loving, respectful 40-year marriage I've shared with my wife, Kathy.

Aloha, Al

You and your father

Posted by Mary E. Hunt at Jun 06, 2013 05:05 PM
Thanks, Marie. This is a lovely tribute that any parent would cherish. May he rest in peace, and may you continue to create a world worthy of his memory.
Love, MEH